I'm a wannabe moment expander...
I saw this moment on a train. And well, I wanted to expand on it...
Her brown eyes are so small and beedy. Her skin still smells anew. Her full set of black disheveled hair frames her face wonderfully. As she lays their asleep unaware of her new existence, I can't help but question my existence.
I think to myself in sporadic thoughts: "What the hell am I doing! I should grab my stuff and run... Look at how beautiful she is...She looks just like her mother..."
I feel a warm hand grasp mine. There is a gentle collision of our wedding rings as our hands come together. "Why do you love me?" I ask softly as I turn my gaze and stare. My counterpart in creating this new life, lays her tired head on my shoulder. Her soft hand being my comfort and my reassurance that everything will be alright. Why does she trust me? How does she trust me? Look at her, she's resting while I'm losing all sense of reality. I wish so much that I could be more confident. I really wish I could. But it's been three months and so much has changed, and I already feel as if I've lost all knowledge on what my life was and is.
I turn my gaze back to my infant daughter. I can't help but laugh when I think of how my wife and I spent hours arguing over the simplest things. I remember walking through store after store trying to clothe our new beauty. As we perused the aisles of winter clothes and punch bowls, she tried to convince me that our daughter's "look" surpassed other meager necessities such as food and shelter. It was battle upon battle. I would try to make the sales clerk side with me, but unfortunately for me, my wife's argument was always stronger. I must admit though, my daughter is the hippest 3 month-old in her new plaid Gap jumper and little red and black Converses. I did win one war though. Well, I guess it's more of a compromise. My daughter now lays and strolls in a red and black Hummer stroller--H3 edition. Score one for the husband.
She sleeps so much. She also eats a lot; I'm so proud. She learns so well. She doesn't even understand the concept of learning, but she does it so much. She does it so well. She smiles at me, and I don't deserve it. Her smile is just like her mothers; and like her mothers, it melts me.
All these people on this train keep glancing this direction. Why? They keep looking at me. "What are you looking at!" Do they know how insufficient I am? They can see it, can't they. They are just saying, "Hey look at that beautiful little girl and her gorgeous mother. Why are they with that schmuck?" I guess they're somewhat right. How on earth do I deserve this? I obviously don't.
I turn back to look at my wife resting on my shoulder, and my baby girl who will continue to sleep for hours. You know what; these people can't have my life. No matter what, this is mine. I don't have to share it with these people. They can only be spectators viewing my family from the sidelines. Wow, did I just say family? I did...The angel that sleeps in front of me, in her hummer stroller--chosen by her cool and handsome father-- is my responsibility. The princess who chose for the rest of her life that I was worthy enough to share her future and her love, chose to share it with me. No one else has her love. No one else can game for her love. I love her and the life we have together. I have no clue what I'm doing, but I will keep doing for this love that I am so blessed to share.
Be Relentless,
Peace
Remoy
Her brown eyes are so small and beedy. Her skin still smells anew. Her full set of black disheveled hair frames her face wonderfully. As she lays their asleep unaware of her new existence, I can't help but question my existence.
I think to myself in sporadic thoughts: "What the hell am I doing! I should grab my stuff and run... Look at how beautiful she is...She looks just like her mother..."
I feel a warm hand grasp mine. There is a gentle collision of our wedding rings as our hands come together. "Why do you love me?" I ask softly as I turn my gaze and stare. My counterpart in creating this new life, lays her tired head on my shoulder. Her soft hand being my comfort and my reassurance that everything will be alright. Why does she trust me? How does she trust me? Look at her, she's resting while I'm losing all sense of reality. I wish so much that I could be more confident. I really wish I could. But it's been three months and so much has changed, and I already feel as if I've lost all knowledge on what my life was and is.
I turn my gaze back to my infant daughter. I can't help but laugh when I think of how my wife and I spent hours arguing over the simplest things. I remember walking through store after store trying to clothe our new beauty. As we perused the aisles of winter clothes and punch bowls, she tried to convince me that our daughter's "look" surpassed other meager necessities such as food and shelter. It was battle upon battle. I would try to make the sales clerk side with me, but unfortunately for me, my wife's argument was always stronger. I must admit though, my daughter is the hippest 3 month-old in her new plaid Gap jumper and little red and black Converses. I did win one war though. Well, I guess it's more of a compromise. My daughter now lays and strolls in a red and black Hummer stroller--H3 edition. Score one for the husband.
She sleeps so much. She also eats a lot; I'm so proud. She learns so well. She doesn't even understand the concept of learning, but she does it so much. She does it so well. She smiles at me, and I don't deserve it. Her smile is just like her mothers; and like her mothers, it melts me.
All these people on this train keep glancing this direction. Why? They keep looking at me. "What are you looking at!" Do they know how insufficient I am? They can see it, can't they. They are just saying, "Hey look at that beautiful little girl and her gorgeous mother. Why are they with that schmuck?" I guess they're somewhat right. How on earth do I deserve this? I obviously don't.
I turn back to look at my wife resting on my shoulder, and my baby girl who will continue to sleep for hours. You know what; these people can't have my life. No matter what, this is mine. I don't have to share it with these people. They can only be spectators viewing my family from the sidelines. Wow, did I just say family? I did...The angel that sleeps in front of me, in her hummer stroller--chosen by her cool and handsome father-- is my responsibility. The princess who chose for the rest of her life that I was worthy enough to share her future and her love, chose to share it with me. No one else has her love. No one else can game for her love. I love her and the life we have together. I have no clue what I'm doing, but I will keep doing for this love that I am so blessed to share.
If heaven and hell decide/
That they both are satisfied/
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs/
If there's no one beside you/
When your soul embarks/
Then I'll follow you into the dark
-Death Cab
Be Relentless,
Peace
Remoy