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So I had a friend ask me the other day how much sleep I get, and I gave her a bit of an exaggerated response, but close, and she said she couldn't do it and I said why not and she said cause sleep is too important, and I said living was too important, and she said something to the affect of you live better when you sleep, and then I stopped, because it's honestly impossible to explain sometimes that yes on paper and in feeling sleeping normally or gratuitously can make life better, more relaxed, or even better rested for intensely living, but in reality as by experience, I want to take as much time as I can to really live because as much as I've lived for as long as I lived the more I live the so much more I really live.

I think it comes from this unshakable foundation of Modern Evangelical Judeo-Christianity that girds the foundation of our civility. Whether you're a liberal pluralist who swears against the such or are a definite Jesus freak there are tones of this doctrine and dogma all throughout our lives. From the Puritan work ethic to our understand of morality as a utilitarian kin altruist kindness, we are molded in some part by this doctrine.

And when I say I want to really live, I'm purposefully being, or purposefully trying to be, antithetical to this Modern Christian ethic. And I realize that my purpose driven anti-Christ-life in a way validates the opposite. But I'm okay with that because for me it's solely personal and in no way a fit for the masses. And this may all sound a bit like a mess, but the crux lies in selfishness. Because to me and my understanding Selfishness, well, being okay with being selfish and not worried about being selfish is an anathema to the selfless ethos of Modern Christianity.

And call it a season in my life, and again be it a response, maybe that's all it is. A rebellious response found in a small season. But I'm finally okay with being selfish. Moreover, I'm going to continue to invest in being selfish. Not totally, where I pursue whatever it takes to be selfish. However I'm going to ignore the dogma of suppressing the self. I'm going to meet my self and greet my self and entertain my self and come to a conclusion as to what my self is asking and find out if what my self has asked for is truly worthwhile. And even if it proves totally unworthwhile in the long run, but absolutely worthwhile in the present, I still may pursue it.

I don't know, again I'm being exaggerative. I'm blowing it out of proportion. I just think that religious sentiment and morality molds the mind and shapes it outside the interactions of day to day reality and with that those minds that are completely vested in selfless morality then confront the outside world with its bigger reality choose selflessness without the consciousness of rationale because rationale has been excused for by selfless morality. And selfless morality, on paper looks right, but in reality, rationale, not solely, but definitely has to be exercised with morality. Ant this rationale only come about as it is learned by real interactions with reality and humanity and then and only then does morality exist. It does not come from proverbial books that tell stories where Absolute Truths are actually possibilities and it definitely does not come solely from the voice of one charming charismatic speaker whose ability to interpret are profound but whose abilities to know his (because her is still almost impossible) congregation individually is totally impossible. Morality is learned as it is selfishly exercised in the community of society.

All I'm saying is really try living. Give as much as you can to every breath, and make sure you invest it while awake and really engaged. It's better that way. It may not sound like it, it may not look like it, but trust me, sleep less and you'll live more. Even if you sound like a neurotic nonsensical douche.



Without Relent,
Peace
Remoy