February 8, 1984

I'm wondering if there ever is or ever will be a time I feel like an adult. I still see myself as a kid in grown-up's clothing. I don't know when the moment will occur, when my eyes that see through the filters of childhood and adolescence, will dissipate and I will be a grown-up. I mean, don't get me wrong I have my moments when I think to myself, "Man, I'm pullin' this grown-up thing off nicely!" But then in a matter of days/seconds/snaps of the finger I'm thinking, "Why can't bubble gum be cool again; wait, it is, like me."

I remember I would wake up at the crack of dawn to play basketball. I kid you not. I loved basketball. I would wake up on Saturdays watch Zach, Kelly, Slater, Screech, Lisa, Jesse, Belding, Caroci, Staci, (and every other side character); once my TNBC was through, I was off with my Spaulding to the courts. For hours I would imagine the courts filled with the likes of Jordan, Starks, and Penny(Hardaway). These were some of the most intense moments in my life. "The clocks down to four, and Jordan's driving. Is there any question, not with the ball in his hands."

I still have so much I want to do. But to me and my predilection, it all seems to much for my big boy boots to cover. I want to teach, I want to travel the world, I want to be India's next Gandhi Ji, I want to be the next great middle-of-no-where high school basketball coach, I want act on broadway, I want to preach, I want to own me a killer Indian restaurant, I want to live in GOA, I want to be right there with Teel Merrick when people realize, I want to start a church free and clear of the rules of religion, I want BJ Ramon to live the rest of life with me, I want in ten years to meet my two roomies in Australia, I want to have a ridiculously romantic, cheesy "Mad About You" marriage, I want God to be right there with me, I want to write movies, I want to write novels, I want to keep writing way to introspective blogs, I want kids to still think I'm cool (if I ever was), I want to speak at my mothers funeral and everyone to know I made her proud; I don't know if all those plus the rest of the dreams that my little heart beats on, will ever coincide.

I'll be twenty-three years old in less than a month. Holy (No expletive or word has the propensity to fit here, but I'm lookin')!!! Two years from Feb. 8, 2007 (A little reminder for presents in a cash form) I'll be twenty-five. That's just incredible. I'm not ready for it. Yes, it's cliche, I know that. But I really don't care. I'm still the little brown kid who was smart and could kick anyone's ass at around the world in Mrs. Levitt's 4th grade class; a kid who was scared about the future and the unexepected world my little feet had to walk through.

If you can help me realize my oldness, please let me know...

Be Relentless,
Peace
Remoy